Trust your own pace, believe in your own timeline

So how old are you now? Do you feel that you are being left behind? By your classmates? your friends? your family?. In what aspect? Is it about career? about relationship building?

There are days when the feeling of being left behind is so strong. You see one friend buys his own car. You see your cousin gets his first promotion or your friend being able to settle and get married.

On the other hand, you. Still thinking of what kind of job you really want. Questioning yourself why am I not able to stay at a job for long. You will question yourself "why am I not like them? Why are they getting what they want. While me, I am here, unstable and confused. Lost, in the hope of being able to find where I really want to be.

This kind of feeling is one of the hardest feelings in the world. Because this means self doubt. This is extremely dangerous because you, yourself, that needs to believe in your capabilities first before others. And if you don't, no one will. 

I underwent this process months ago. Yeah, it was difficult. To the point that i doubted all the things that I do. My confidence started to decline. I exhausted myself because I want to keep up with others. I want to show them that I am living the life that I am expected to. That I am a Nurse, that I must be working in a hospital. Wearing white and serving people. I set my love for arts aside. I ceased from doing calligraphy, Instagram posts went down. I don't sing or dance anymore. 

I became passive. I let the norm dictate to me what I must be. I am gradually losing my personality. I am losing myself in the process of being the person I thought I need to be.

Good thing is that I was reminded of the important things that I forgot.

I forgot that one person is different from another. That we have our own timelines. That our lives has his/her own pacing. All we have to do is to trust it. To be the best that we can be while we are in that time and space dedicated for us.

I forgot that we do not have to compare our achievements with others. All we have to do is to focus on our goals and to be happy for the people who are finally getting the fruits of their labor because in one way or another we will be in their place, savoring the same glorious moment.  

I forgot that no one has the right to dictate your direction in life. You have your own pacing and again you have to trust it. You need to set a goal. A goal that is realistic to you. A goal that interests you. A goal that directs you to another goal. A goal that will eventually bring you to your purpose in life. You do not need to set 100% if all you can do is 85%. It is better to set it at a point which you know is doable. And from there, start trying harder and you will be surprised that you exceeded your primary goal.

I forgot that that we must not allow anyone to use their metrics on us. To measure us according to their standards. Allowing people to do this will only box our capabilities. We will not grow. We will not be able to see what more can we offer. I strongly believe that each and every individual has something to offer that only he/she can give. That we all have something unique to offer.

And lastly, I forgot to forgive myself from committing mistakes. I forgot that "Hey, I am still a human! Mistakes are inevitable." I became too hard on myself. I punished my self from committing things that a normal person commits. And why did this happen? This happened because I wanted to keep up with others. I forgot about my own timeline and pacing. I was really blessed to wake up one morning with all the courage in my heart to finally say "this is enough,I'll start living each day doing my best, doing what is right, doing what makes my family happy while I don't compromise my own happiness.". It is important to forgive ourselves. But we have to bear in mind as well to keep the lessons in order for us not to have the same mistakes again. We have to learn from it. We need to be better with the help of the mistakes that we did. If we commit the same error again well, it's about time to evaluate because it will be your fault this time. 

The process was not easy. And until now, slowly I am learning. There were days that I still feel sad because of the things I am not achieving as of the moment. But what I do is to look at the smaller goals that I have achieved. Progress is always progress. Forward is always forward. No matter how small or big it is.

Life is not a race. It is a journey that needs to be felt. A journey that needs to be enjoyed every hour, every minute and every second. You can't afford to miss a single moment of it. Sometimes, we are so busy looking at the moon that forgot how beautiful the stars are.

Hold on to that pace and timeline.